Hello beautiful.... it’s the first time I’ve said that in weeks... 🥺 and right now they are the hardest words to say because I know this time I’m not going to get a “hello keke” or a silly video of you singing to me back. In October, December, and June you asked me “how will you ever know if you never take the chance?” it’s funny because we think we have forever.... but we don’t. honestly.... there’s a whole lot of regret 🥺🥺 I miss you so much Lee Andrew Malaney it actually hurts.... 💔 I miss the hours spent on the phone while you and gedd were on your travels.... I miss the ridiculous videos of you and him where he’s sat smiling blissfully unaware he’s rocking a pink wig filter at the services.... of you’s duetting to music on your little crazy adventures together.... or how every story about him including the news of his new arrival into the world was always followed with “he’s my very best pal you know” ❤️ as if you hadn’t told me a million times already... I even miss your really bad renditions of those Sam smith ballads in the bath and I never ever thought I would say that cause they were terrible.... 🤣😂 I miss you walking through the door, kicking off your shoes, dossing on the settee with your head on my tummy giving me the updates on your beautiful little lissy and her beanstalk ... your beautiful little lily and your day trips together.... what your weekend plans were.... how you planned to get rope door handles because it was “different” or you telling me how crap the new toilet seat I got for you was which you never let me live down.... 🤦🏻‍♀️ and then there’s your childhood stories.... which made me laugh til my belly hurt 😂🤣 because I too was raised by, a little, somewhat fierce woman who also has a heart of pure gold.... my most favourite story being where the name “empty” come from... I was eagerly anticipating one of your really long, really funny, stories... and you simply looked up at me with eyes you could get lost in... and replied “you know when they say you’ve got an empty head, well my mum and dad and that use to say it when I was young and it just kind of stuck I guess” it’s all those really normal day to day things which we take for granted... like you passing comments about the one extra slat on our “DIY Daves” blinds which resulted in, no extra slat being within a 100 mile radius of her house, me being evicted from her house, her having a broken toe following a really unfortunate incident with the stool, yours and her friendship requiring mediation, and you howling laughing down the phone for days on end about it.... Or the summer nights in the garden chatting.... planning.... whilst star gazing..... it’s those small things that once taken away, we realise, we really can’t live without... last week I got my results.... I passed my masters with distinction, I got my phone, went to ring you, and then that cold.... heart wrenching feeling of dread hit me right in the chest all the way down to the pit of my stomach because I can’t... I will miss you my whole life. I really can’t bring myself to say goodbye to you today Lee... but I couldn’t say nothing either.... so I will say thank you.... thank you for being the beautiful soul you are... thank you for bringing so much love, laughter and light to my life... thank you for making me smile again... for the memories... and for all that you taught me about me.... finally thank you for being the most beautiful best friend a girl could ever wish to have.... I hope where ever you are you are at peace with your little lady ❤️ the world has lost a beautiful soul and the heavens really have gained an angel.... sleep tight you... ❤️ xx